Mind reading: I think he wants a divorce - New York News

Mind reading: I think he wants a divorce

Updated:
By Shutterstock.com. When people talk, listen completely. By Shutterstock.com. When people talk, listen completely.

By: Dustin Wiggins, FamilyShare

“I can't get ahold of my wife. I think she is cheating on me.”

“He says he just wants some alone time. I don't think he loves me anymore.”

A relationship that is plagued with negative interpretation is on the path to certain destruction. Negative interpretation is one of the major warning signs (along with escalation, withdrawal, and invalidation) which predict whether or not a couple's relationship will likely end in divorce. When we are in the habit of negative interpretation we assume that there is some dark purpose behind everything that our spouse says, does or fails to do. We automatically assume the worst case scenario. These assumptions are usually based on no evidence at all.

“You don't like my parents.”

“You do that on purpose, just to upset me.”

In their best-selling book Fighting for your Marriage, the authors explain that “negative interpretations are good examples of mind reading. Mind reading occurs when you assume you know what your partner is thinking or why he or she did something.” When you always assume the worst about your spouse, do not expect to have a decent conversation . . . ever.

We all want to feel loved and appreciated. Thinking negatively about your spouse will create feelings that drive you apart. Learning how to avoid negative interpretation will help bring a greater measure of peace to your relationship. Here are a few ideas that might help eliminate negative interpretation from your marriage:

Assume the best

If you are going to mind read, do it in a positive way. Trust your spouse enough to assume the best. Try to come up with a list of positive things that your spouse may be thinking. If he doesn't seem excited to go to your parents' house for the holidays perhaps it's because he has been planning something special for you.

Be optimistic

You and your spouse are on the same team. Envision a beautiful and happy marriage. Think about and look forward to experiences that you will share that will bring you closer together. Remember all of the good times and the memories that you have already created with each other. Your optimism will leave no room for negative interpretation in your mind.

Communicate

The best way to find out what your spouse is thinking is by asking. Never assume what his motives are. If you are curious why your spouse said or did something, ask. He will be happy to explain his reasoning. As you set the stage for communication, do so in a respectful and peaceful way. Always begin with the positive things in your relationship and avoid any accusing speech.

If you find yourself falling into this mind reading trap of negative interpretation, remember your A, B, C’s. Assume the best, Be optimistic and Communicate with each other. Knowing about and being able to recognize the destructive habit of mind reading will help you to combat it. Learn to avoid each of the danger signs that lead to divorce and you will find that peace in your marriage that will bring great joy to your life.


Original Post

Copyright 2013 Deseret Digital Media, Inc.

  • Local NewsLocal NewsMore>>

  • Summit at City Hall on police-community relations

    Summit at City Hall on police-community relations

    Thursday, July 31 2014 1:20 PM EDT2014-07-31 17:20:15 GMT
    Ways to improve the relationship between the NYPD and communities in New York City was at the center of a forum held Thursday at City Hall. Mayor Bill de Blasio, Police Commissioner Bill Bratton, Rev. Al Sharpton, city officials and community leaders attended the round-table. Accusations of police brutality and the death of a man under arrest for selling un-taxed cigarettes on Staten Island prompted the discussion.
    Ways to improve the relationship between the NYPD and communities in New York City was at the center of a forum held Thursday at City Hall. Mayor Bill de Blasio, Police Commissioner Bill Bratton, Rev. Al Sharpton, city officials and community leaders attended the round-table. Accusations of police brutality and the death of a man under arrest for selling un-taxed cigarettes on Staten Island prompted the discussion.
  • Workers trapped in trench collapse

    Workers trapped in trench collapse

    Thursday, July 31 2014 1:19 PM EDT2014-07-31 17:19:38 GMT
    Two construction workers were rescued from a collapsed trench outside a home in Rye, N.Y. on Thursday.  Firefighters from across Westchester County responded to the scene at 15 Bradford Ave. at about noon.
    Two construction workers were rescued from a collapsed trench outside a home in Rye, N.Y. on Thursday.  Firefighters from across Westchester County responded to the scene at 15 Bradford Ave. at about noon.
  • Woman plunges to death over cliff in Catskills

    Woman plunges to death over cliff in Catskills

    Thursday, July 31 2014 12:57 PM EDT2014-07-31 16:57:07 GMT
    New York State NewsNew York State News
    Authorities say a 23-year-old woman trying to take a picture by the edge of a cliff in the Catskill Mountains died after falling more than 150 feet.
    Authorities say a 23-year-old woman trying to take a picture by the edge of a cliff in the Catskill Mountains died after falling more than 150 feet.
Powered by WorldNow
Didn't find what you were looking for?
All content © Copyright 2000 - 2014 Fox Television Stations, Inc. and Worldnow. All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy | Terms of Service | Ad Choices