3 tips on maintaining the peace with your ex for the sake of the - New York News

3 tips on maintaining the peace with your ex for the sake of the kids

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By Shutterstock.com. Peace isnt the destination; peace is the way. By Shutterstock.com. Peace isnt the destination; peace is the way.

By: Mayra Bitsko, FamilyShare

A divorce doesn't always end on good terms. There are lingering feelings of disappointment and anger. The couple aspires to keep their distance hoping one day they will never have to see each other again. But, if there are children involved, keeping a distance is not realistic.

When my parents divorced, it was clear they no longer could live together. They had their share of differences. And as much as they tried to give the marriage a chance, they both arrived at the conclusion that living apart and getting a divorce was the best solution. Nevertheless, my father was very much involved in his children's lives. My father and mother didn't allow their feelings about one another to interfere with their responsibility as parents. For the well-being of their children, they agreed to stay peaceful. Here are some ways divorced dads can stay close to their children.

On the other hand, there are situations where parents constantly fight in front of the children not realizing the negative impact it has on them. Children are not naïve to the fact their parents are not happy with each other, but displaying that type of behavior is unnecessary. Children need to see their mother and father unified as parents above all things.

Below are 3 tips on remaining peaceful with your ex-spouse based on my parent's experience.

  • Respect. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent to your children. If you are frustrated with your ex, keep those feelings between you and him. Do not impose harmful opinions of your ex on to the children. Children must gain their own opinion about their parents. If you are all together for a school or family event, make sure to stay as respectful as possible. Derogatory language and behavior in front of the kids are not acceptable. They absorb everything they see and hear. Remember, your children’s welfare is of the utmost importance.
  • Communication. Once divorced, you want very little to do with your ex. But keeping the lines of communication open, because of the children, is crucial. The advice from both parents is always helpful in making decisions for the kids. Invite your ex to school events and call to find out how the children are doing at school. Ask what you can do for them. Try to take part in their lives as much as possible. Make yourself available. Being divorced from your spouse does not mean you divorced your children, as well.
  • Understanding. You both may not always agree with each other’s parental suggestions and decisions. Nevertheless, it is important to understand why certain suggestions and decisions were made. When neither one of you can agree on something, make an effort to meet somewhere in the middle. At the end of the day, you both want what is best for the children.
Maintaining a peaceful relationship with your ex is a challenge. Painful feelings remain in your heart, which makes it difficult to even consider being nice. But, what you must remember is the children come first. The entire family deserves a peaceful atmosphere.


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Copyright 2013 Deseret Digital Media, Inc.

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