10 Reasons Philadelphia and the Phillies Are Annoying and Lame

MYFOXNY.COM - The New York Yankees are taking on their neighbors to the south -- the Philadelphia Phillies -- in the 2009 World Series.

It's a rematch of the 1950 series (which the Yanks swept). It's also being billed as the "Turnpike Series" -- never mind that the New Jersey Turnpike doesn't actually connect the Bronx to Philadelphia. (Indeed it should be called either the "I-95 Series" or the "Amtrak Series.")

Anyway, this seems as good a time as any to explain why Yankees fans rule and Phillies fans… rule somewhat less. It's all about hometown pride.

1. Philadelphia has been called New York's "6th Borough"; indeed Amtrak will get you to Midtown Manhattan faster than the commute from Staten Island. Yet folks would still rather live on Staten Island.

2. The City of Brotherly Love's most famous culinary delight -- the Philly Cheesesteak -- is made with Cheese Whiz, not real cheese. Goop from a bottle or jar is not cheese. I'm not saying it doesn't taste good -- in fact is does, but you may as well call it a Philly Goopsteak.

3. Seems Philly fans aren't enthusiastic enough about the inherent beauty, suspense, and thrills of the game of baseball that they need the antics of an idiotic furry monster of a mascot -- The Philly Phanatic -- and fireworks after every home run to get them riled up. Mascots are for high school and fireworks are for the 4th of July. New Yorkers don't need that nonsense to get excited (unless you're a Mets fan). Hello? Baseball is the NATIONAL FREAKING PASTIME.

4. Yes, across the river in New Jersey, we have Newark. But Philly -- you have Camden. At least Newark has an airport -- and Cory Booker. (Hopefully this one won't start a Booker-Das feud.)

5. Yeah, Philly has Ben Franklin, but your most famous citizen of modern times isn't even a real person. Sorry to break it to you… but, no, Rocky Balboa doesn't exist. OK maybe that's not totally fair. There are plenty of other famous Philadelphians from recent times: Bill Cosby, Will Smith, Kevin Bacon, but none of them apparently rates a STATUE.

6. The Phillies' biggest celebrity fan spotted in the stadium stands? Kelly Ripa. Really.

7. New York has the Thanksgiving, St. Patrick's, Puerto Rican, Village Halloween, and Mermaid parades. Philadelphia, you have the Mummers Parade. 'Nuff said.

8. Sales tax on newspapers, magazines, and comics? Seriously?

9. Even a hot band like The Roots has to come to New York to find work.

10. The Athletics wanted to get out so badly they actually preferred Oakland, by way of Kansas City. You don't see New York teams leaving, do you? (Oh wait… forget that one).

11. OK, here's a peace offering -- one thing for us to be jealous of: Rents in Philadelphia are actually reasonable. Even in cool neighborhoods.

Das is a producer for MyFox New York and an almost-lifelong New Yorker. He honestly means no offense, Philly. He's visited many times and thinks you're a charming city. For real.

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